Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
