is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Someone came in the potted fern
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
