so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
