I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
