I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
