and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
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