he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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