wrigley field is MILF paradise
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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