WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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