Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
