i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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