put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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