Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
