I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
