Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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