Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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