I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
