Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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