did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
