I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
