Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
