Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
