Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
