i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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