You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
