i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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