out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
