Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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