omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
