Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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