i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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