I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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