My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
