Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
