You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
