She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
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I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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