I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
