M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
