i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
