my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
