My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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