Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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