what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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