And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
