Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
