Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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