Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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