After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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