HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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