Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
