I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
