Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize