I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
