I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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