soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He did a backflip because drugs
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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