I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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