Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize