You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
