the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
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And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
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