and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
