that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
