Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
