There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm both gender and math confused
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
