They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
