Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
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so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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