put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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