he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
