ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
