She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
