Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
