shes about as inviting as chlamydia
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I need water and some morals
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