that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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