i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
