Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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