This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
