i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
