You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
