Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
