i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
