I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
