It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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