I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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